OLD FRIENDS

Lately mortality has been on mind a lot. It makes me worry...a lot. Then add to it the fact that my best friend has been abnormally very sick for way too long. Kidney stones are what adults get...but wait, when did we become adults?

It would seem that my age is sneaking up on me and with greater speed every day. I feel as though I'm stuck in the Twilight Zone between a college student and full blown adult with house, husband, kids, PTA meetings and Metamusil. Some of my highschool friends even have teenagers! What the??? I definitely don't *feel* my age, but I'm not exactly sure what I feel. All I know is that I've been in this state of what feels like limbo for quite some time. I guess you could say its a bit of an identity crisis...but that doesn't stop the aging and this haunts me too. But one thing that has given me great comfort is my dear and precious friendships. They are my anchor in a sea of instability and fog.

This brings back to my thoughts about what it will be like to grow old with my dear girlfriends. I've never really thought about this before. I imagine that there will be some fun filled "Golden Girls" moments. But realistically, there will also be mammograms, kids having kids, menopause, chronic disease, ailing parents, death of a spouses or even each other. Some really super heavy things beyond saggy boobs jokes, blue hair, and penciled on eyebrows...heavy things that shopping therapy or playing with grandkids just won't be able to heal.

THE TRUTH: We are *really* going to need each other.

Just yesterday, while these thoughts mingled around my mind, I was listening to Dr. Laura (like I do) when Lillian called. Lillian was a sweet 70+ year old woman, with the cutest voice and saddest heart. Lillian currently had a full and happy life with her husband of many years but the poor dear just couldn't stop crying. Dr. Laura was trying to get out of her what her problem was....and when she finally did, Lillian grievously stuttered through her sobs "my dearest and best friend of 50 years just passed away. How am I to go on without her?"

I nearly lost it myself. The timing of such a call couldn't have been better (or maybe I mean worse). I couldn't EVEN imagine losing any of my friends!!!! Dr. Laura, trying to console her with the facts said "how wonderful is it that you can say that you had such an amazing and marvelous friendship for 50 years. Some people just don't have that. You are a very blessed woman. Celebrate what you had together."

(Then Hoover Dam broke!!!!)

There is a morale to this story...when my tears finally stopped, the light bulb dawned and I could feel the truth of Dr. Laura's words. I realized that I was also a very blessed woman. The likelihood of having many of my current friendships years into the future, like Lillian, was very high because I have absolute great friends!! There was no sense worrying about what will inevitably occur like I have been. I know I should live it up, love, appreciate and celebrate what I have. Life is too precious to be wasted on worry.

My Ty Guy!

I'm the proud aunt of Tyler...he just turned 5 years old this weekend and he's the most adorable 5 year old around!

My Ty guy was born without an ear. Well, he has part of an ear but nothing that resembles much of one. I know that his cute mom (my sister Ann) has been concerned about how kids would react to this set back. More importantly, how Tyler would handle their reaction (kids can be so mean). Well, just this past weekend, there was an exchange on the soccer field between some kid and Tyler about this particular subject. This is how it went down:

Ann: "Hey Ty, what was that kid saying to you at your soccer game?"

Ty: "He said that I had an ugly ear."

Ann: "Well that isn't a very nice thing for him to say."

Ty: "I know.... I thought he had an ugly face, but I didn't say anything."

Ann: (had to walk away because I was laughing so hard)


LOL. I think my lil Ty guy is going to be JUST FINE!!

Amy Has Left The Building

As most know, this has been the hardest year of my life (and I've had a few "very hard" years before). I haven't been one to use my blog as a means to share my vulnerabilities as others have...but I guess true to form with my "new" blog, I'm making a change where that is concerned...well, at least today.

I have heard it several times ... "Amy, you are just not you lately". Well, the truth of the matter is that the old Amy is never coming back. One doesn't travel through hell, fire and brimstone and look the same on the other side. Its unreasonable to expected that of me. I truly hope to come out better and stronger for the tough journey and the hard lessons learned but that does take time. Moral of the story is...old Amy is never coming back. New Amy hasn't yet arrived...but she will.

CORRECTION: I would be terribly remissed if I didn't also note that I've also had amazing and great experiances in the last year. I've had great love, countless blessings, and spiritual insight that have shaped me. To overlook those things would be a great sin. These things are what drive me through the tough times when I don't think I can't make it.